New Year Resolutions Are Old News.

Why I Don’t Do New Year Resolutions (and Maybe You Don’t Need Them Either).  

➡️.  Do this anytime of the year 🙂

New year resolutions. I'm in the fuck it camp, I'm old enough to know that life throws curveballs that mean resolutions can be derailed, but that you can mean those curveballs with courage, you can catch them and gentle set them down. And that in itself is an achievement.  

Sometimes you do achieve something big, but it may not be what you set out to achieve in the beginning. It doesn't matter, you're achievement could be up there with the stars, but it can still leave a lingering sense of "my list is unfinished". 

I'm also old enough to know that while intentions are awesome, life happens.  And sometimes you have to decide which are your glass balls (these need all your attention..."don't drop the glass balls!") and which of those are the rubber balls (the bounce right back up balls), the ones that need to drop. 

Children's needs, your parent's needs, your own health, financial pressures squeeze resolutions out but create spaces for other moments, and magic to happen unexpectedly.

Resolutions may sound inspiring, but the reality is they can make you somehow - less.

So instead of asking:
“What do I need to change for next year?”

I want you to ask:
“What have I already achieved this year?”

This is where the aha list comes in.

What is an Aha List?

An aha list is a powerful inventory of your year.

It’s a way of seeing what you have done by gathering the visible and invisible work:

• The practical jobs you ticked off.

• The emotional labour no one sees.

• The curveballs you caught, dropped, picked back up, or chose to walk away from.

• The ways your intentions shifted because life demanded something different.

Instead of deciding who you “should” be next year, you look at who you already are and what you have achieved. 

Release the pressure! 

A couple of quick, evidence-based reasons this matters:

• Your brain has a negativity bias, it remembers what went wrong more easily than what went well. You have to deliberately bring the wins into focus.

• When you acknowledge effort and progress, you activate circuits linked to motivation and reward, not shame and threat. 

• Naming what you’ve carried and achieved helps your nervous system metabolise stress rather than storing it as “I’m failing”. 

Setting the Scene for Your Aha List

How do you do this? Consider this you self-care for the month. 

You can do this at the end of the year, at your birthday, or whenever you feel that tug to “reset”.

1. Claim a pocket of time.

    30 - 60 minutes. Put it in your diary like a meeting with someone important (because it is).

2. Choose your space

    Somewhere you won’t be interrupted if possible:

   • At the kitchen table once everyone’s out

   • In the car outside school with a notebook

   • On the sofa with a blanket after bedtime

3. Bring a few things with you

   • Notebook or journal

   • Pen

   • Phone/calendar/photos if helpful for jogging your memory

   • A drink you like

4. Regulate first (optional but powerful)
   Before you start, close your eyes and do a couple of gentle breaths. Maybe use the 321, relax, relax, relax. 

   Start with the day that you are in. You might even quietly think: “Today I’m looking for what went well, however small.”

Step 1: Divide Your Year into Seasons, Not Goals

Rather than a rigid list of “I will…”, think in seasons: things grew, rested, tangled, or were uprooted.

On a page, write four headings:

• Winter – What was I coming out of / recovering from?

• Spring – What started to move or change?

• Summer – What grew, intensified, felt “full on”?

• Autumn – What shifted, ended, or asked to be let go of?

You don’t need to be precise with dates. Just feel into the phases of your year.

Under each heading, jot down:

• What was happening in life?

• What were you holding emotionally?

• Any big events or transitions?

Already, things will begin to click. “Oh. That’s why I felt like that.”

Step 2: The Curveballs Catalogue

Now add a section: Curveballs.

These are the things you didn’t plan for:

• Illness

• School crises

• Relationship wobbles

• Hospital appointments

• Work restructures

• Unexpected bills

• Friendships changing

• Hormonal shifts that knocked you sideways

For each curveball, ask:

• What did I have to carry or manage because of this?

• What did I put down so that I could cope?

• What did this teach me about my limits, my values, or my priorities?

• How much of my time did this take up?

This is where intentions often change. Not because you “failed”, but because reality shifted.

Step 3: The invisible achievements

Now we go looking for the quiet wins.

Some of the things you can ask yourself are:

• When did I keep going, even though I was exhausted?

• When did I rest instead of pushing through (even though part of me felt guilty)?

• What hard conversations did I have?

• What boundaries did I test, set, or at least think about?

• Where did I show up for someone else in a way that really mattered?

• What did I learn about my body, my mind, my needs?

Write down anything that fits. Tiny counts. Especially tiny.

Which mother are you?

The Year that Was Basically One Long Exam Season

Let’s drop this into a real life.

You've got children going through exams. 

Maybe you are looking at what you didn’t do this year (go to the gym regularly, start that course, declutter the loft...or if you are like me start them all and finish none of them!) 

But on your aha list, you start to see

• I learned the GCSE and A-level timetables better than my own.

• I juggled revision timetables, lifts, snacks, and meltdowns.

• I absorbed my children’s anxiety and still managed to get them into school on exam day.

• I advocated for extra time or support where it was needed.

• I navigated yet another change in the school system and still kept the family on track.

• I held my own anxiety (about their future, their mental health, money) quietly in the background so they could lean.

Those are not “to dos”. Those are achievements.
No one claps you for them, but they shape a child’s sense of safety and self.

The resolutions might have said:

“Go to the gym three times a week.”

The reality is:

“I carried my kids through an exam year and still remembered to buy coffee and loo roll.”

The aha list honours that.

Or the year of change, survival and a new baby

This year you did a lot. 

• New baby.

• Navigated birth.

• Maybe hospital visits you didn’t see coming.

• Sleep?  What's that?

• The looming pressure of going back to work and being “on it” again.

If you had resolutions did they look like:

• “Get my body back.”

• “Keep on top of the house.”

• “Smash it when I go back from maternity leave.”

Which, layered on exhaustion and hormonal shifts, may feel like failure waiting to happen.

But if you sit down with an aha list, you see:

• I learned to feed and comfort a brand new human with a body that was recovering.

• I navigated medical language, appointments, and hospital systems on very little sleep.

• I advocated for myself or my baby in rooms where I felt small.

• I stayed present enough to notice tiny changes in my baby’s breathing/skin/feeding and sought help.

• I managed emails, HR conversations, or work expectations alongside leaking milk and night sweats.

• I rebuilt my identity as “me” + “mother” and started to work out what I want that to look like.

None of that goes on a resolution list.  All of it belongs on an aha list.

However you got to the end of the year you didn’t “waste” it

Even if:

• The house is still cluttered.

• The to-do list still isn’t done.

• Your favourite jeans still don't fit. 

You made decisions in real time with the information and energy you had.

Your aha list also shows just how much you are expected to carry and how you should reflect on, and respect, your ability to do that. 

So before you write a single resolution, sit down with your notebook and ask:

“What did I live, learn, carry, and create this year?”

Start there and let your aha shape whatever comes next.

Remember if you ever want help to go through this and other moments where you want clarity and reflection you can book on online session by clicking here